Tragedy struck a month ago.
As I mentioned in my last blog post, I'd recently started exploring a new story about a gay teenage guy, Aaron Gloria Delfus, and his world in Arbortown, Oregon. Every time I sat down at my iPad to write, it was a blast. Words and ideas flowed, time flew by, and I always looked forward to the next writing session. Then one afternoon, after finishing my classes, I sat down at my desk with my cup of coffee, ready to dive back into Arbortown, but instead got a punch to the gut.
Fifty pages were missing.
I closed the document and opened it again. I don't know, maybe that was the same as the turning it off and back on trick which seemed to fix everything else? Alas, no, fifty pages short. My hands we shaking and my mouth was stuck in repeat, "No, no, no, no, no . . .". I googled every fix I could find and tried them all. Nothing. Had it been on my Mac, it seems I would have had a better shot, but the same fixes didn't apply to my iPad. I was stunned. I was furious. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt I saved it every time I exited. However, for some reason, something glitched and it reverted to a copy I had made a couple of weeks earlier. I was devastated. I yelled into my pillow so as not to panic my son, dog, and neighbors.
I grieved. I grieved the story lost, the time lost, the words lost, the experience lost. I grieved and half expected to never return to Arbortown, allowing Aaron's story to scatter to the digital winds.
Days passed. Emotions cooled and leveled. I began to recognize Resistance at work (read Steven Pressfield's War of Art if you haven't yet and prepare to change your life) and refused to lose the fight, but still struggled with the idea of sitting down and doing the work. I'd already written that part of the story, the thrill was gone, and I had no interest in retreading ground I'd covered. I struggled with motivation.
Then Heartstopper came along. A friend suggested the Netflix series, and having plenty of time on my hands in Shanghai lockdown, I gave it a shot. I binged. My god, it's exactly what my closeted teenage self needed. A sweet story, a positive voice, and a breath of normalcy for gay teens. Shortly after finishing the show, I picked up the Heartstopper graphic novels. I wish I'd had the story of Nick and Charlie when I was growing up to simply know that what I was experiencing and feeling was good. It was normal. It would be okay. And that's when I realized Aaron Glorias Delfus' story would be adding another voice to the growing chorus of LGBTQ+ storytellers saying being a gay teen is all good.
The next day, I sat my ass in my chair, opened up my iPad, and gave Resistance the middle finger. We need more voices out there telling stories, giving voice, and making space for anyone and everyone in the LGBTQ+ community for generations to come. That's what I get to do.
What's your part?
PS - Yes, I save to the cloud as well now. Lesson learned.
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