Why So Spicy?

A couple of things hit me yesterday, and both were in the same line: content.

As many of you might know because of her Heartstopper series, I follow Alice Oseman on IG. I love the graphic novels and read them after falling in love with the Netflix series. They're exactly what my teen soul needed. Having come out later in life, I didn't get to experience all the teen drama as a gay, so getting to read/watch it is healing. In an IG story yesterday, Alice wrote about being in a bookstore and seeing her Heartstopper books wrapped in plastic with a warning sticker for deviant content. That's gutting. I mean, in some ways, that treatment of a book feels as though it might be a badge of honor, but it's gutting to me that kids are told that being queer is deviant. It's the message I received as a kid, and it's part of the reason I lived the life I did for so long.

It's also why I write what I write.

I think it's important for people to see themselves in books, and that includes teens, humans who are going through life changes and discoveries, and that often includes sex and intimacy with other people. As a former teen myself — so many years ago —, high school teacher, and dad of two: one is twenty-two, and the other is seventeen, I'm plenty aware of these formative years. Change is happening, and for the majority of the world, young people get to see themselves represented in straight characters, experiencing straight relationships, and straight intimacy. And that's fantastic. However, I'm thrilled that there are more and more books for a variety of ages and maturity levels, geared toward queer kids, so they too can see themselves and understand that the things they're feeling aren't weird but a very normal part of life.

Both Aaron Gloria Delfus is Officially Over Pig Warriors and the Color Purple, and my upcoming release, Until I Feel Safe, have some sexy moments. I stumbled upon a discussion in a Facebook group for YA authors, and someone asked whether YA books should include spicy moments. Of course, the answers were all over the place, from absolutely not to let them have sex! When the stories I write have a "spicy" moment, I really work to make sure it's fitting to the story and important to the relationship. But I also don't shy away from the moments because I know that somewhere, a reader is going to feel seen, and recognize that the feelings they're having are natural and can play out safely and healthily between consensual people when the time is right for them.

The religious culture I grew up in kept sex and intimacy at a distance and warned people that the only acceptable way to experience them is after marriage. If that's your thing, cool. But looking back decades later, the messaging and fruits it produced were harmful, and I don't encourage it to my own sons. It didn't keep desires at bay; instead, the desires that cried to be recognized developed into shame. I don't wish that on anyone.

Until I Feel Safe deals with a lot of these topics, especially in the arena of religion, and the family dynamics that often surround it. You can get it in paperback in June and pre-order it for its digital release in August. I hope, when you read it, you recognize yourself somewhere in its cast of characters and either feel seen or open your eyes to the people hoping to feel seen around you.